**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
