Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
