Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
