omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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