READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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