My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
