so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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