I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
