the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize