just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
