gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
