My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I could fuck to npr.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
