Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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