Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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