Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize