my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
