I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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