I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
