I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
