we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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