The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
