I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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