The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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