My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
