Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
