Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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