my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
