I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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