dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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