I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
