Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
