WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
