I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
