We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
