I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
