Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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