Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
