another moral hangover. fuck.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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