Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
