i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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