u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
