Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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