I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
