too bad you live with your parents still
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
