Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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