Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
