found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
