please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
