I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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