Cold hands, warm shart.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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