I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize