The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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