is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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