had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
