I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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