Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize