my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
