I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
