$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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