I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
