what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
