I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
