i need an iv and a liver transplant
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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