I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
