I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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