Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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