god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
