I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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