Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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